6 June 2014

Eat Me. My Top 5 Restaurant Irks

I love eating out as much as the next person, in fact probably more. I really enjoying trying new places, indulging in a few wines and ordering delicious dishes that I wouldn't cook for myself at home. When everything is right it makes for such a wonderful evening; great food, great service and great ambience. But there are a few things that happen every now and then that really make me sigh - it can all be going so well and then one of the following instances pops up...

1. A waiter sashays over to the table proffering a giant pepper mill, "would you like some cracked pepper?". I mean does it look like I'm not capable of using my own pepper mill? Because I absolutely can, what do you think I do when I'm at home? I'd really rather do it myself because sometimes I just want pepper on one portion of my meal. Or maybe I do want pepper but I don't want it just yet, I want to crack it onto the center of meal after I've eaten a bit... Is that ok with you?

2. Tight squeezes between tables. There's nothing that frustrates me more that having someone bumping into the back of my chair; waiters squeezing past, or the patron behind me getting up. A kicked chair is annoying enough at the movie theatres, let alone whilst I'm enjoying a meal. I could go so far as to say it's a choking hazard.

3. "Good evening ma'am, I'm [insert name here] and I'll be your waiter for this evening." He seems like a nice fellow, I think to myself, competent and friendly - great. But two seconds later I have waiter B bringing me my drink, waiter C taking my order, waiter D bringing my order and waiter E collecting my bill. When did it become ok to shuffle waiters around like a pack of cards. It hardly inspires me to tip when I can't keep track of who is serving me. What happened to the nice fellow you promised me in the beginning, I'd like him back please.

4. I've been to a few restaurants where I can only assume they are performing some sort of elaborate magic trick in the kitchen. Because how else do you explain receiving a fully-cooked meal in a shorter time than it takes to pour a drink. It baffles me how often I order a glass of wine and let's say a seafood pasta - and "ta-da" there are appears my pasta a good five minutes before my wine follows. It might be magic but it sure is annoying.

5. "You look lovely this evening." "What?" "I said you look lovely this evening." "What?" Does this sound familiar? Too many times I spend my entire dinner repeating what's been said because the restaurant is just so bloody loud. I would rather you line the walls with ugly shagpile carpet if it means I can hear better. Sometimes design needs to be sacrificed for some functionality; you may need to forgo your uber-chic polished concrete because it reverberates like a cave.

What do you think? Am I being too picky or do these things bug you too?

Photo via Pinterest.